The Judy Jetson Lunchbox
Why do we store stupid stuff?
A dear friend is a paralegal for a major law firm specializing in family estate litigation. Here’s a (true) story she shared with us.
‘We were in the middle of a settlement meeting with siblings following the death of their parents. The estate was substantial, and the siblings were keenly interested in getting their cut of it. The meeting started out contentious, and it got hotter as time went on. At one point the hostility in the room was palpable, with shouts and innuendo tossed around like so many razor knives. In the middle of this (very costly) discussion things boiled over, hot words were exchanged, and evil looks glared, as siblings shouted at each other. Finally, a sister leapt to her feet and screamed at a brother, “Mom gave you the Judy Jetson lunchbox!”
Our paralegal friend confessed to us that, at that moment, despite her position, and her need to be a professional, objective observer of what should have been a calm, dispassionate estate settlement, unable to stop herself she burst out laughing at the absurdity of the woman’s anger. Her inane justification for that anger was based on a parent’s gifting of a treasured lunchbox several years in the past.
This is what many of us do. We’re slighted in some way by what happens to us, what someone says or doesn’t say, what’s given or what’s withheld, other peoples’ actions large and small, and the emotional and/or physical impact it has on us. We stow things away, keeping them for later, hoping to…what? Hoping to use them against others like the scathing barb over the Judy Jetson lunchbox? Yes. We do that.
Imagine this: You go to a restaurant, order a salmon steak with hot mashed potatoes, green beans, all the fixings. Sounds delish, right? The waiter brings it, you dive in, and... It’s not at all what you expected. It’s tough, underdone, dry, and bland. The potatoes are cold, and the butter tastes rancid. This is like those slights you received. What do we commonly do? Do we savor the music, the ambiance, the warm companionship of friends? Do we share wonderful memories of times together? No. We ask for a doggie bag! We take the awful meal home, stow it away, and keep it for later. Then we take the bag out on occasion, nibble a bite of the bland, uninspiring salmon, and remind ourselves how bad the meal was, savoring the negative memory it left as if the ill feeling it engenders was sacred.
Why do we do this? Because we haven’t learned to let go of stuff. We haven’t learned how to handle reality. Was the meal bad? Yes, it was awful. Should your best friend have said what they did? Probably not. But they did. It’s simple reality, just as the snarky comment from an old workmate, or being ignored by an ex about an important matter. It happened. Was the stale salmon worth packing up and schlepping home? No, it was best left behind and forgotten. It’s the same with negative events in our lives, the Judy Jetson lunchboxes we felt entitled to that went to someone else.
A great mantra for western civilization: ‘I can handle it’
Oprah Winfrey commenting on Michael Singer’s advice in The Untethered Soul
How to ‘handle it,’ to let those events go? It sounds simplistic and evasive, but here it is: Just. Let. Them. Go. Think about something more substantial and rewarding than a kid’s lunchbox. Your mind can be put to much better use. Human minds have allowed us to explore the cosmos. Our minds put human footprints on the moon. They eradicated smallpox, polio, leprosy, and other ravages. Human minds built the Golden Gate Bridge, France’s Tres Grande Vitesse, the ISS, the 787. The human mind is the greatest asset ever conceived, and we waste its time whining about hopelessly inconsequential things. Our mind is capable of god-like endeavors. And we use it for stale salmon? Offhand remarks? Road rage? WT..?
We need to let go of good things as well. Why? Because storing an exquisite sunset, a first kiss from a lover, the memory of graduation, the birth of a child, all these beautiful memories establish a ‘highest point’ that begs comparison. If a sunset on Kauai leaves you breathless, you’ll be ever after trying to match it with a sunset in California, or on the Via Veneto. Letting it go allows higher and better things to come in. Letting go, of both awe-inspiring sunsets and legacy Judy Jetson lunchboxes helps us attain the heights we’re entitled to. In short, we deserve better.
Passing Thought: In the case of contested estates, better use of our minds can save us a ton of billable hours.
It's tough to part with that old stuff, for sure. I've always believed it's hardest to give up stuff that's already gone. That lunchbox must have meant a great deal to the woman to carry it with her as a resentment all those years. Maybe it was stuffed with cash? Thanks for reading.
Indeed, Byron, we expend far too much mental energy on trivialities, allowing them to overshadow the present and potential for more meaningful engagement. The contrast between our capacity for complex thought and our inclination to dwell on petty resentments is striking. Ultimately, your story/examples underscore the importance of learning to release emotional baggage, both positive and negative, to fully experience life. And to do so before it's too late.